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Perfectionism isn’t about being perfect at all.. REALLY! It is a clever facade to mask a person’s inner monologue that they believe they are MUCH better than the results they are getting. Or they believe they are much bigger of a contribution than they seem to be making. It is a way for the person to say, “I am so good, see how much I punish myself when I don’t succeed.” Much like the parent who might scold their child more harshly in public, or make a side comment that their child behaves better than this most of the time (…saying more about the parent’s embarrassment than about the child). The person develops the illusion of a false-sense of elevation and in reality separates the individual from genius, the one, the ultimate, the ALL, God! In addition, the perfectionist chooses to play life separate from the people around them.. where God is most directly accessible!!
In the end its a worship of the perfect, as in the religion of being perfect. The doctrine is: only in a state of perfection does God exist. Thus the disconnection from God when the practitioner does not get the precise result for which s/he was aiming. And the pain and suffering of being without God is too much for a human to bare. Thus the devotee displays great depression and disgust when the world around does not meet their expectations. Its simple for the perfectionist to judge others, to lose short term memory or even swap letters around in order to shape the world in his/her own image.

While this may sound funny or absurd, check in with yourself on how ridiculous you may have been, or are being!! First, the state of perfection is subjective and ultimately illusory. We, in fact, are the only judges that determine how perfect a situation may be. Next, the notion assumes that a relationship with God exists in under certain circumstances only… tune in on that one and ask yourself where you relate to God. As Ani DiFranco so appropriately sings, “And God will radiate out from within us..instead of this bullshit from above.” #(Track 09 on Red Letter Year). What the world needs now is to experience and celebrate the connection with God in ALL.

This evening I experienced a wonderful collaborative dinner with a few of the finest restaurant owners in Asheville and their families. During that meal the topic of raising a child who gets upset when things don’t go exactly the way he wants them came up. Essentially, parenting a perfectionist. And my knee jerk reaction was, “You must feel so proud.” Because I am learning that perfectionists only need a minor mental tweak in order to LIVE the life they want and to make a MASSIVE contribution to society in the process. Perfectionism gets to be altered into Purposism, the religion of Purpose.

When God is found in purpose the return to peace is simple: CELEBRATE the mess we make. If there is no mess, then MAKE one!! Make it with purpose!! Discover Wabi-sabi; step outside and soak in the asymmetry of nature; watch and understand the teachings of Robin Williams about relationships in Good Will Hunting; clear out and let go of the imperfect projects that you are convincing yourself you will one day return to… OR, return to them and complete them.. but no longer tolerate the holding on to incompleteness. Learn to abandon these projects (which might mean completing them and releasing them, it might mean releasing them now). Surround yourself with people who are exceptionally comfortable with their imperfections!! And finally, LOVE the Perfectionists out there… don’t aim to convert them. Simply love and adore the contribution they are in your life… and for all our sake help them discover their purpose.